Reframing Negative Thoughts

            “I can’t do this! I’m too nervous! What if they see my nervousness? What if I forget the words? There are too many people here! I’m not prepared for this! I’m going to screw up!”

            Have you ever had one or more of these or similar thoughts pass through your mind before giving a speech? Have these thoughts undermined your speech efforts in the past? If so, you’re among the majority of public speakers. We have all felt this way, one time or another, and for some of us, this is a constant companion.

            I like to refer to these thoughts as my inner critic; he is a constant backseat driver that enjoys nothing more than to tear me down before I ever start speaking. Now that may be a bit of a dramatization, but that is how it feels sometimes. I could be completely prepared for a speech, having rewrote my speech into perfection, having practiced the speech through and through, and yet when it comes time for me to speak, that inner critic pops in and picks at all of the work that I have done. I’ll start thinking of all of the reasons my speech won’t go well, and those thoughts will become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

            It is said that we are our own worst critics. I can say that this is definitely true within myself, and I have seen it within some of my fellow speakers. We will berate ourselves for mistakes that we have made, tell ourselves that we screwed up, or worse. Yet from the outside observer, those “mistakes” aren’t as bad as they seemed to us and sometimes they’re not even noticed. The funny thing is that even when we are told that we did great or that our blunders weren’t noticeable, most of us instantly try to deny that person’s experience. We seem to prefer to hold on to the words of our inner critic, rather than any outside praise. This can lead into a self-perpetuating cycle of negative thought.

            Well, we don’t have to believe our inner critics, in fact, we can turn that negativity right around into positivity. I like to call this method “thought reframing”. It’s very simple in practice; we basically tell ourselves the exact opposite of what our inner critic tries to tell us.

I can’t do this = I can do this

I’m too nervous = I’m confident

What if they see my nervousness = They will see my confidence

What if I forget the words = I know the words through and through

There’s too many people = There is a perfect amount of people

I’m not prepared for this = I’m complete prepared

I’m going to screw up = I’m going to knock this speech out of the park

By reframing our thoughts in the positive, we can begin to believe in our abilities, rather than psyching ourselves out. However, when we do this we need to avoid using negative words or phrases.

I’m too nervous = I won’t be nervous

            When we tell ourselves something like “I won’t be nervous” our subconscious doesn’t hear the words “I won’t”, but does hear “be nervous”. So we reframe in the positive, such as “I’m confident”.

There is one more step. Sometimes our inner critic hears our positive thought reframing and goes “Nuh Uh!” and then tries to instantly find reasons as to why these thoughts aren’t true. Again, all we need to do is turn our inner critic’s game onto itself. We need to prove to ourselves why these statements are true. We need to list out as many reasons as to why these thoughts are true, until we believe them.

I can do this

·         Because I have practiced this speech time and time again

·         Because I have rewritten this speech into perfection

·         Because I am a competent speaker

·         Because I have friends in the audience to support me

·         Because I am confident

·         Because the crowd will love my message

·         Because I can

·         Etc…

Do you know what will happen when we start believing the positive in ourselves? It is reflected in our performance. We give better speeches, we live better lives. We don’t have to live in negativity. We don’t have to play the game by our inner critic’s rules. We make the rules. So the next time that you feel threatened by negative self-talk, just turn the tables and reframe those thoughts into positive ones, because you are better than you give yourself credit for.

Until next time,

-          Lance